Rememberance: A Poem

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Rememberance: A Poem

Post by Zanrith » Wed Jan 27, 2016 12:44 am

[spoiler]I look up to the stars
And see the lovers, a believer
And I then remember.

I look downtown at night
And see the lights, a leader
And I then remember.

I look many miles East
And see you, and remember
That Night.

That Night I asked myself,
'oh I believe, is it a dream
That comes crashing down on me?'

And then I saw you with It, and I knew
You would bring the end of my pain
With the silver Athame.

I look many miles East
And see you, and remember
That Night.

That night the athame had slain those demons
Doubt, Fear, The Unknown
I realized what had happened and had to let it be known.

I saw you as I knew I would
Holding the athame which brought an end to the pain
And prayed that you would remain.

I look many miles East
And see you, and remember
That Night, as I wait to see your face,
Hoping by then these words will remain.[/spoiler]

Admittedly I am not much of a poet, considering I once failed an English class in high school, but this is something I wanted to do for someone I was very close to.
It is a symbolic poem of what happened to me the day we met, but some parts of the poem are quite literal, such as looking "East".
I could use some critique I guess because I've never written poetry on my own before and I don't want it to sound bad or whatever. Tried to use some obvious poetic devices like ABB rhyme scheme and repetition and tried to be creative, like using "athame" instead of "dagger". An athame has more of a ritualistic purpose rather than just being a knife to stab someone with. ANYWAY, if you want a more detailed explanation, let me know and I will evaluate.
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Re: Rememberance: A Poem

Post by Ej1997 » Wed Feb 24, 2016 6:54 pm

I would definitely love to hear a more detailed explanation. I'm intrigued to know who it is that you've seen in the east at night. It reminds me very much of Middle Ages or Ancient Greek era where they used to perform rituals at night using an athame.

All in all this is a very amazing poem and I do like it a lot.
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