I have been living behind a mask.

Need to rant? Looking for some opinions on how to resolve a problem. No politics or personal attacks here.
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Rowwdy Yisb
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Rowwdy Yisb » Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:07 am

Spoiler:
Glad you haven't had any too substantial back lash, that is always good.

As for religion, I agree that it's a very difficult issue. On the one hand, I know a lot of religious people are totally tolerant, and even the ones that aren't are still doing the wrong thing for the right (?) reasons. But then I'm like, if religion didn't exist, I'm pretty sure my life would be a little easier (no offence intended)

Anyway, the people that say they disagree with your sexuality because "it goes against their religion" are complete bogus. Pretty much every religion teaches basic morals like to love people for who they are, or even common manners in mind your own damn business. When religion is meant to preach love, the people not agreeing with you are people that choose to hate you, when given the choice to love or hate (there are also many different bible interpretations for the supposed anti gay verses). So when I'm faced with people that are basically just looking for reasons to hate others, I'm glad I piss them off a little. But I'd like to say not to go away thinking a prejudice on religion is necessary. Religion isn't the enemy, bigotry is.

When the dude you like said it was wrong, what exactly does he mean? Sucks he feels that way, but it might help you move on a little quicker if that's what you're looking to do.

Good luck with everything ^.^

P.S everyone feels the rejection thing about minor and major things, it'd be a little strange if you weren't worried. Don't over stress yourself though!
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by sgtc1 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 12:09 pm

Phazed wrote:I should probably update this thread periodically or something to update you guys on my situation

[spoiler]I've gotten to the point where I don't really care who knows that I'm gay, but I'm still afraid of feeling rejection. Right now I'm just trying to deal with some unwanted / unexpected responses. I don't exactly know how to explain it.. Religion is something that was never really a part of my life and I don't really want it to. I know that homosexuality is not exactly acceptable in the religious scene (well, some religions, which I'm not naming), but even then, some of my religious friends still accept me. However, my best friend has told me that his religion "loves the sinner, but not the sin." My crush told me that HE himself thinks that "being gay is wrong." It actually kind of hurts.. I think about those words all the time. I respect the fact that they too have opinions, which are just different from mine. I should expect that.[/spoiler]
If i were u i wouldnt care at all bout religion. I dont see why its worth even caring about dat. As for your friend and thinking being gay is wrong.... well... one of my best friends was a huge homophobe and i (and others) kept trying to explain to him that it was okay and absolutely nothing wrong with it. Eventually he met some of my gay friends and saw how kool and all they were and now hes not a homophobe lol. In either case this hate, indiffrence, and feelings of it being wrong, towards gays is caused my ignorance. In my friends case cuz of his social-cultural background (a very ignorant one... obviously), but as for your friend...... its backed up by religion..... *sigh*. There isnt much to change dat in a small or simple way, sadly. But you shouldnt really care. Its just how people are and its hard to change dat.
But its not the end of the world and its not worth your time or energy to give a single f***, quite frankly.
As for rejection, dont worry about dat. Lmao. Thats a normal part of life, and it WILL happen. You gotta walk it off. Dont let it get to you. Just get back up on the horse. Again, you shouldnt care. You should just move on. Dont take certain things too seriously. Lol. You wont get hurt as much. But good luck bruh.
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Phoenix King » Sun Jan 11, 2015 7:54 pm

Honestly, you are the only one who need's to be happy with you. I completely understand your situation with your crush, and I'm sorry. I know how hard rejection, (no offence intended, im not sure of another word to use there) can be. Learn from it. Learn who you can trust, learn who accepts you and as far as religion goes, (again not trying to offend) it goes along with what I already said. You must be happy with you. No one else.
Going back to the acceptance, I'm 100% sure I speak for everyone when I say this forum accepts you :D
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Phazed » Mon Jan 12, 2015 11:09 pm

[spoiler]So my close friends (including my crush) all know about my depression, and I guess they're doing their best to try and cheer me up, but nothing is really working. My crush is the only one that checks up on me periodically and asks how I'm doing. I want to talk to them all the time, but it's a super busy time of year (scholarships and whatnot) and I'd feel selfish for taking up so much of their time just to talk about.. Me. Even then, I wouldn't even know what to talk about.. I sound so depressing to them and I don't want them to take on some of my burden for no reason.
Addressing the religion situation: I'm trying to not care about people's opinions if I don't care about those people. The bad part to this is that I do really care about my friend's opinions and inputs, and their comments just really hurt. I thought religion was created to love all, but I guess it fosters a little hate too.. No offense to those of you on this forum who are religious. People will probably try to prove me wrong, but I have yet to really see it happen. :/[/spoiler]
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by XYZ Dragon Cannon » Mon Jan 12, 2015 11:45 pm

Phazed wrote:[spoiler]I thought religion was created to love all[/spoiler]
That's pretty much true, but things start going a bit whacko when people start taking things written in a book super seriously. I find that quite whacko.

I find it funny though, because people pick the parts in these religious doctrine to follow, but don't follow the others. For example, I bet they dislike homosexuals, but they wear clothing made of two types of materials.

If you think i'm messing around either, i'm not. This is 100% legit, lol
[spoiler]
You are to keep My statutes. You must not crossbreed two different kinds of your livestock, sow your fields with two kinds of seed, or put on a garment made of two kinds of material.
copypasta from some randy bible site. Don't know how to quote it properly however, but it's there.[/spoiler]

Hopefully things start getting better for you soon buddy.
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Star08 » Tue Jan 13, 2015 4:35 am

I've just taken the time to read through this thread and I kind of know how you feel.

I have a few problems myself (that's for a different thread) and I think I'm a bit late to give any advice (It's all been said)'but just be yourself and the people who dislike you should just be cut out of your life (unless it's your parents but they should love you no matter what)
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Phazed » Wed Jan 14, 2015 10:22 pm

[spoiler]All my life I've been closed off from the world. Hiding. Dealing with the pain that I've built up all these years by myself. It's just so new to me knowing that there are people who are willing to share my pain just to help me get through it. It's astounding, really. But now that I've opened up, even just a little, I already feel like I'm starting to close back up.. I feel as though it's asking too much of them. They don't need to do this for me.
Two days ago, my friends wanted to help me with my depression by systematically dealing with each aspect of it.. The whole situation didn't turn out so well. I ended up snapping at them on the first point because I felt like nothing was helping.. Argued with my best friend for half an hour while my other two friends stayed quiet the whole time with zero input. They want me to be open with them about my emotions.. But I'm afraid that I'm going to break down in front of them. I'm already weak, I don't want to be even more vulnerable. 'Cause those are the times people take advantage of me. Maybe it's why I'm so distant and cautious. But I know they're just trying to help and I shouldn't be snapping at them. I'm snapping at everyone and I feel terrible.
It doesn't help that my best friend got into a car accident yesterday. First thing he sent me after he came-to was: "I'm really glad that you aren't with me right now." I feel like an ass arguing with him over something so petty.. Something I knew that he's passionate about. His car got totaled. The passenger side of the car was crushed. I would have died or been seriously injured. But my friend, he's a fighter—something that I really wish I was. I feel like giving up on so many things.
And now the loneliness starts to set in again.. I'm surrounded by supportive friends but I still feel empty. There's a void in my life and I'm not sure what will fill it. I've also been playing less and less games.. I sit here and just ponder what to do and what to say. Time passes by very slowly in depression. Every second is agonizing. It's hard to not think about what really hurts the most. Especially when it feels like there's a gaping hole in my heart.[/spoiler]
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Star08 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 1:26 am

[spoiler]I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but have you tried seeing a consultant
It just seems that your problem seems very hard to live with that's all[/spoiler]
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Phazed » Thu Jan 15, 2015 9:42 pm

Star08 wrote:[spoiler]I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but have you tried seeing a consultant
It just seems that your problem seems very hard to live with that's all[/spoiler]
You're fine. I'm taking a lot of these suggestions to heart. I'm really trying to do what's best in order to get over this.

I probably wouldn't express myself very well. It's also a problem when I'm trying to keep my parents out of this.. The last thing they'd want on their plates is having a depressed son.
It's very weird: I have random bouts of sadness, and those moments are when I try to write things and express myself. The main thing I'm trying to do is keep my mind off of some of these things, because thinking about all of them at once is very overwhelming.
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by dedoombringer » Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:58 pm

My young friend, the troubles you described are perfectly normal from straight to homosexual. You primary concern should be your depression as that can actually lead to very negative results. Until you are happy with who you are you will never be truly happy. As far as religion in no place does the bible say "gay is a sin".....on the contrary it states you love everyone no matter what.

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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by sgtc1 » Tue Jan 20, 2015 4:30 pm

Star08 wrote:[spoiler]I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but have you tried seeing a consultant
It just seems that your problem seems very hard to live with that's all[/spoiler]
if u havent, u really should.
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Phazed » Tue Jan 20, 2015 10:31 pm

Just a heads up: I am going to stop spoilering these updates, as I feel like people who come into this thread are here to try and help anyways.

I spent the last three days reevaluating my situation, and it seems like I'm getting upset/frustrated over trivial things. I now realize that, because they haven't gone through depression before, my friends are clueless when it comes to helping me—and that's perfectly fine. I have to be patient with them, just as they have to be patient with me. Also, guys don't really know what to do until they're told what to do.. that line was courtesy of my sister, but I can see how it's true.

What I'm dealing with now:
• Getting over my crush
• Getting over the bigger aspects of my depression, without ruining my friendships
• When to tell my parents

I have made it my goal to come out to my parents by the end of the year. Sometime before I head off to college seems as the optimal time, as it gives me some breathing room in case things don't work out as expected. My sisters really want to help with that, but I feel like this is my battle to fight. I feel the same way about my depression, but I really don't know how to go about that, so that's why I need help.
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Phoenix King » Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:39 am

Phazed wrote:Just a heads up: I am going to stop spoilering these updates, as I feel like people who come into this thread are here to try and help anyways.

I spent the last three days reevaluating my situation, and it seems like I'm getting upset/frustrated over trivial things. I now realize that, because they haven't gone through depression before, my friends are clueless when it comes to helping me—and that's perfectly fine. I have to be patient with them, just as they have to be patient with me. Also, guys don't really know what to do until they're told what to do.. that line was courtesy of my sister, but I can see how it's true.

What I'm dealing with now:
• Getting over my crush
• Getting over the bigger aspects of my depression, without ruining my friendships
• When to tell my parents

I have made it my goal to come out to my parents by the end of the year. Sometime before I head off to college seems as the optimal time, as it gives me some breathing room in case things don't work out as expected. My sisters really want to help with that, but I feel like this is my battle to fight. I feel the same way about my depression, but I really don't know how to go about that, so that's why I need help.
First off, congratulations on somewhat settling on a plan. That means you have a base to start working up with.
Second, (and please stop me if I start to get pushy) you said your sisters want to help. I assume that means you're thinking about having them as support and the be with you when you tell your parents.
Which brings me to my next point.
Tell your parents by the end of the year? Dude. That's awesome! I once knew a guy who didn't say anything for 15+ years.
Also, depression is a touchy subject for me, and I don't want to sound out of line, so all I can say is laughter is sometimes the best medicine.
Good luck with all of this. I hope it works out for you.
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by Phazed » Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:27 am

I want them there just in case, but I don't want them to be like hovering over me when I do decide to tell my mom and dad. I'd feel pressured to just spill the beans, instead of being able to make some excuses to get out of the conversation if needed.
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Re: I have been living behind a mask.

Post by jwestbro11 » Wed Jan 21, 2015 12:30 pm

What is your long term plans in my experience having a goal to work towards helps with depression.
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